I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and she was petting her beer can
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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