my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
