Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
