he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
