That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
