Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize