Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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