you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
