Can i not drive my cunt home
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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