I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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