I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
