I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
