Don't you send me to vm
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
