margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
