Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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