Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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