Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im six kinds of drunk right now
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
