I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
