did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
