How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.