Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero