Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome