Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like his penis was on wheels.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.