idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude