just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
