I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
