I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
