epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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