you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
