Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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