I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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