capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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