I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize