I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
