I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
