Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize