I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
