Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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