i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
