yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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