I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
