Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
