Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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