so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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