a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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