First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
