Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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