I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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