Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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