sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
