Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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