my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
