Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
