I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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