I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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