omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
