We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
