Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
