NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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