Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
