I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
