You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
