Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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