Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
