Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
