I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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