if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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