She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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