You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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