Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
