I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
