thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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