I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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