You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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