You just made me feel so damn special
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
