You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
