I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
