WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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