You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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