In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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