Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
